An unsent message to Conrad C

To Aech,

youre so beautiful

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

I hate you. You ruin everything. I went out on the first date and I literally couldn't stop thinking about every way he wasn't you. He's just not you. And he was perfect on paper too. A stand up fucking guy and yet I found the smallest reasons not to fucking date him. I told him I didn't fuck with it after that. I wouldn't lie to him. Maybe this isn't goodbye to you after all, and maybe I need to look at the bigger reason I didn't want him: it's not that I love you as I said in my goodbye. It's…

— Anonymous

To Jimena,

I might be getting your number soon and I’m scared idk if you want to talk to me but Ik you like someone I just don’t know who it’s honestly probably not me but I miss you

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

Baby I don't even know what to say this time. Well I do, I just don't know how. To cut it short, there's someone else who likes me. He's very tall which is great because I'm a giant too. He's really kind and he's funny. He compliments me all the time and I can tell he cares already. I haven't told him what I want yet, because weirdly I'd feel like I was cheating on you. I'm going to think it over. And if I do decide to go for him, then this is a final goodbye. It's strange because I would have…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

Hi honey, I hope your lectures are going well. This made up idea in my head that you'll ever see these is what's keeping me sane. I'm not here to ramble, I just want to hear about your day. Did you eat? Did you sleep well? It's getting cold now, I was supposed to be your little hot water bottle. I hope you're warm enough. Are you proud of your progress at uni? Do you ever think about us being at home over Christmas? I wonder if you're hoping we'll cross paths. I wonder what you'll say.…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

800 words aren't enough. I want to hate you. Some days I think I truly do. But then I watch a video of us being all sweet and I can't stop the hatred from dissolving. It's getting to the point now where I'm starting to realise one day I'll have to let you go. I'll have to change my whole routine, every wish I make as I see a shooting star, every excuse I make when your name comes up, everytime I look for you on the corner of the street where we first kissed. I still can't walk the path from my…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

Today is a bad day. I can't focus on anything. I keep arguing with my sisters. I wish wish wish I could just tell you about my day again. Although maybe that's what was too much in the first place, I know I don't exactly have the calmest life. Today I can feel everything. It's horrid, but at least I still love you. I know how twisted that is, but the pain is the only thing that helps me remember how much I miss you. I feel like a dementia patient slowly forgetting something I want to control…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

These little things really help. There's literally no chance you'll ever read them. God if you did I think I'd die of embarrassment. Not because I'm scared of my feelings or honesty about them, but because I know you'll just laugh or shrug it off coldly. What else can I expect when we ended the way we did? Toby's helping me a lot. He's a good friend to you, you know. He doesn't tell my anything about your personal life, he's just always there, gently steering the wheel through the storm we…

— Anonymous

To marian Z., Sibling

I hate you so much sometimes for going. you make it look so easy leaving everything behind, leaving ME behind. I know you couldnt stay, I know that. but was I not enough to fight for? was I not worthy enough to endure it? because I did. I endured it for YOU. you know when you left, it didn't just go away? nothing changed. falling trees still make a sound and all that. you were out and you were free and I was left to deal with not only mourning you but dealing with them as well. how could you do…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

As I'm writing this one, something feels different. I no longer crave the old you back. Perhaps it's because I've been avoiding you at uni and avoiding chop when I go out at home. I can't feel how you used to touch me, I can't feel the heart break as much. Maybe it's just a good day. But I'm still sad. Feeling the pain was proof you were real. Proof that we existed. Or at least that I loved you and hoped you loved me too. I don't want to forget you, but my darling boy, I'm forgetting. You once…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

I'm writing a book now trying to get it all out. I've written so many songs, at least I can make something beautiful out of this. I keep wishing the beautiful thing I could've made would have been loving you through whatever happened. I wish I could've looked beautiful on an anniversary. I wish I could've eventually looked beautiful in a white dress for you. I wish in decades I could've seen our children were beautiful souls. Now my child will have another man's eyes. I don't know who he'll be,…

— Anonymous

To gannon,

i think im genuinely catching feelings and that’s scary bc i know you don’t want anything serious with me so i push them away bc i rather have something as little as casual w u than nothing at all

— Anonymous

To mattie, Friend

you were, and always will be, my first love. It was never some stupid crush or romantic interest, it was always you. We should of been best friends forever and I'll always regret ruining that with my self destructive tendency's. I'm sorry for you and sorry for myself and sorry for us. I love you forever (ps, you can keep that change purse. I don't really care. I just wanted to read words on a screen in your voice) "I know you said you'd take me anyway I came or went. But I'll push you from my…

— Anonymous

To Conrad C,

It's been a few weeks now. I've come back to you a few times, ill-advised with the drinks. My friends hate you. Sometimes I want to join in, but I don't have it in my heart. Do you still have the mini letters I wrote you? Do you still think of me as mesty? Perhaps I'll never know and maybe it's better not to. That's why I had to block you. The painful waiting and wondering if whether you'll respond. The anxiety when you finally do. The destruction when I realise your text is flat and lifeless.…

— Anonymous

To Skiddy,

This is my final post to you. Just know that what I cut my brother off for, is something that you genuinely would not be able to do to me. I didn't cut contact lightly. Hope that helps. And I hope you feel better soon. I'm sorry for everything. Goodbye.

— Anonymous

To k, Crush

Is it cringe to say that I see us as mizisua or no?

— mizi

To Conrad C,

Sometimes I think of mesting with you and my heart just aches. I think of burger and rodger, the animals we saved, and how we treated them so carefully. I hate that I can't eat or sleep without you. I hate that drinking is the only way I can forget everything, even what you did to me. I even forget long enough to let you in again. I physically don't know how to stop loving you. I wonder if you think of me? I mean you cried twice at the idea of breaking up with me. You were vulnerable, just your…

— Anonymous

To someone,

Projection really is the biggest confession

— Anonymous

To A,

I feel sick, I want to cry. I have a bad feeling but idk why. Have you found someone better? Or are you just sick of me? Can I change myself to be more attractive for you? Will it work? You still want to talk but it’s not the same. Do you still love me or did I fall for the bait? I thought you were my soulmate, why is this happening?:/ I love you and I “hate” you at the same time

— Anonymous

To someone,

I'm sorry. Goodbye.

— Anonymous

To Brody, Friend

I don’t understand why you went away. I listened to you, kept your secrets like I swore I would, and helped you as best I could. I know I’ve always been kinda dumb but I miss your company. Why did you abandon us. We see you outside sometimes and we wonder what we did wrong. I miss those late night calls and stupid inside jokes . It was your cousin wasn’t it he took you from us didn’t he. Put some sort of twisted idea in your head. I still have the gifts you gave me. Every now and then I pick…

— You know who M.

To Johnnyboy, Crush

Its been years but I still miss you, Im in a relationship now but still think of you everyday. I hope your doing well, I miss highschool. 'Look the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason'

— Anonymous

To julian,

we have so much fun. i think you’re really cute. i wasn’t joking when i said id clear your pipes x

— Anonymous